my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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