That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
