Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
