I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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