Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
