who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
