Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
