My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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