forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
