I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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