Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize