New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
