If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
