Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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