My room smells like vodka and shame
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
