You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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