On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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