hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
