..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
