the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
