New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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