and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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