My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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