After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This baby is an asshole
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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