The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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