i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am mentally ready for anal.
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