I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think i have two assholes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize