Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
