My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
