Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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