The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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