More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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