You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
