the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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