Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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