Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
