yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
