textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
