Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
