I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
