It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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