I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
