I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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