Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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