Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
