Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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