Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
