I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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