I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
