I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
