I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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