david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
