What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
