is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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