This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
