I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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