You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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