Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
