I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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