my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
