Soap is not a condiment
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
