I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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