He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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