no, he came in my armpit
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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