After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
