dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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