cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
