Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Drunk is not a location!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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