A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
