Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
