Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
