I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Drunk is a universal language darling
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
