The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
