I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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