I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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