she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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