Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
