his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
