i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
