it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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