Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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