do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
