I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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