I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
