so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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