I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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