So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
