it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
